Post #44- Guilty or Nah?

I was born early in the morning on this day, so it seems fitting that I use these early morning hours of my birthday to be useful once more and to reflect on some things.

I’ve been feeling guilty of late about the good things in my life ,and even some of the good things in the periphery of my life, as well as some of the good things to come. I know this sounds absolutely absurd, but maybe you’ve been where I am. You thought life would look different even though it isn’t bad or you thought certain things would always stay the same, but they haven’t. None of it is bad per se, even when it is uncomfortable, it’s also good to be challenged and yet, I’ve been feeling guilty anyway:

Guilty because I started this wonderful Lipstick blog in the middle of the pandemic to inspire and share my love of lipstick and yet this is my first post in the last few months. And if I’m honest, I don’t know how much longer I’ll pay for a website I’m not using😩

Guilty because I have this wonderful-answer-to-prayer job that allows me to develop as an artist, build new relationships, work with people, and individually. And because I love it so much, I dedicate a lot of time to it, therefore missing out on spending time with some of those closest to me.

New Job!

Guilty because I’ve been praying for a spouse, no not just a boyfriend or man friend, a spouse, yet I haven’t made as much time as is probably needed to go out on dates, and do I even remember how to do that…what would I wear?!😩

Guilty because I thought I’d get to make more music this year since I have a new producer, but grateful for the late start because I really needed that vacation in November.

Guilty because I want to spend more time in prayer and solitude because I know Jesus is the fuel to me being a better version of myself, but I’m busy with the blessings He’s given me…

So maybe after a list like this, you’re thinking, “Temeka babe, you’ll be fine” or “these are not really problems”, and you may be right. Acknowledging how we feel is a good place to make decisions based on what is and not just what something feels like it could be.

This place I’m in isn’t a bad place..honestly, I think it’s mostly just adulting that makes these things difficult. Being in this place allows me to first, acknowledge my feelings and two, to count my blessings and then to choose which one to focus on. So let’s re-write the list:

I got to develop my love of lipstick and lip wear in the middle of the pandemic with an inspirational lipstick blog and even though I don’t know what’s next as the lipstick blogger, I know I’ve inspired someone to #Wearitlikeyoumeanit.

I’ve been working at my new job as a worship Pastor for a year and a half and I have a great team of people I get to work with to ensure music and the arts are incorporated into every service allowing others to shine while developing my own skills.

I’ve spent a lot more time praying for a spouse and being honest with some of my closest friends and loved ones about this process. I’ve also met more men this year who are just good guys and have even become friends offering a perspective I couldn’t always find before. And in the mean time, I get to work on me and do single people things happily. Have you tried traveling solo or with your besties…It’s glorious!

I had the opportunity to perform unreleased songs and to join other artists on their journey of musical artistry and have gotten a chance to improve my vocal health while working on the schedule for studio time…progress!

As I’ve become more and more occupied with the everyday responsibilities, I’ve become more aware of my need for Jesus and my need to trust His will for my life. I was blessed to join other worship pastors and teams on a 3-day retreat that really added value to my soul and poured water into an almost dry place, refreshing me greatly. What a blessing!

Look, I don’t know what shade of lipstick you’ve been using lately as your go-to. I’ve been pretty nude and plain but every so often I pull out a red (thank you Christmas events) and a purple something (because any shade of purple always looks good on any skin any time) and choose to count my blessings. I choose to delight myself in the Lord and thank him for the very good things in my life.

I know that life as it is happening right now for us won’t always be this way. Things change, people grow up or move on, we grow in knowledge and wisdom (hopefully 🤞🏾) and we learn to do hard things well, like wear green or purple or red on a rainy Autumn day. So here’s to us, wherever we are on the journey and wherever we think we want to go or should be by now. We’re alive and we’re still dreaming…YAY us! Happy My birthday to you, Love! Now go write your list and wear that lipstick like you mean it!

Published by Temeka W.

Temeka Williams is a Toronto based 30-something-year-old Musician, Singer-Songwriter. She loves Jesus, Cheese, her friends and family, Aunty time with her niece and nephews, and colour in any form. If she’s not teaching ESL, she’s probably playing her guitar , writing a new song, or testing out some new lip-wear.

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